Ever Want a Do-Over?

I did. More than once. Especially on those days when dementia’s toll on Momma’s body and brain would present as a dip to a new level. All of a sudden, what had been normal for her for a few months suddenly wasn’t normal. In time, we would understand these “dips” were signals the disease was progressing. For example: After a night of sundowning -which was every night- it would be routine for her to have coffee and yogurt each morning. Out of the blue, Momma says, “I don’t like coffee,” with the added bonus of an “Are you from another planet?” look.

That’s a comical dip. Not so fun was when she slipped out to the backyard to ask our neighbors to call the police on us and rescue her. THREE TIMES THAT EVENING WHILE I WAS IN THE TUB! Good thing we have good neighbors who knew the situation. By the third time she slipped out, I was frustrated and drained the once-hot water from the tub. I sat her in her recliner, and let my emotions come out of my mouth. “Momma, you are driving me crazy, tonight!” What she said next hurt my heart and made me wish for a Do-Over as she whimpered. “I’m driving myself crazy.” oof. I’m a terrible daughter.

Lamentations is the Old Testament book of weeping, pain, grief, and regrets. This book finds the Israelites’ hometown of Jerusalem and their temple completely destroyed as they are forcefully relocated, again, to Babylon. They brought it on themselves by breaking the love covenant with God, again. They had forgotten God, again. sigh.

As their lives are wrecked and they endure extreme suffering in body, mind, and spirit, one guy, Jeremiah, invites them to repent and return their hearts to God. He offers hope and perspective as they refocus their trust in His faithful love. God had never forgotten them.

“Because of the Lord’s faithful love we do not perish, for His mercies never end. They are new every morning! Great is Your faithfulness, Lord” (Lamentations 3:22-23).

Rejoice today because of God’s faithful love for you! He gives a daily do-over! When our hearts forget to trust Him and forget to serve Him and forget to pursue Him, He extends mercy every day! He never forgets us!

How does that apply to us as Caregivers?

When fatigue and frustration land hard, we’re tempted to lash out and, sometimes, we do. Then comes the flood of regret. I invite you to adjust your perspective as you read the above verse, again, through the lens of faithfulness, hope, and forgiveness.

If you need to ask your loved one (LO) for forgiveness, do it, forgive yourself, and move on. Dementia patients tend to remember emotions and associate them with distrust even though they cannot remember the cause. Then, refocus on why you are the best care for them. You honestly care. You patiently and faithfully show up.

Whether you’re a part-time or full-time caregiver, the reward is knowing you’ve done your best to provide the best care for that day. I’ve put together a small list of tips that may be helpful to you, available on the blog. Click: Care Tips for Caregivers.

Father, while my friend is trying to be everything for their loved one (LO) or their patient, weariness has a way of making us forget our why. I pray they remember their value in their care. How they provide care is just as important for their peace of mind as it is for their LO. Give them joy in their daily tasks. In Your Son’s name, Amen.