thou shalt not lie <wink, wink>

Perhaps you, too, were raised to never tell a lie. Always tell the truth.

It may seem goofy, but I had difficulty “playing along” with Momma’s hallucinations and colorful tales, which might affect the schedule, her mood, compliance or all of the above. Then I had a quick conversation with Ms. Jae the director of my mother’s adult care center that we affectionately deemed “the daycare.”

After confessing I didn’t feel comfortable in any scenario, which meant I lied to Momma, Ms. Jae sweetly freed my mind!

“Oh! That’s not lying. That’s role-playing.”

Turns out role-playing disarms an agitated dementia patient and can even be fun! And might provide a chuckle with your spouse or sibling later! Just like I enthusiastically “pretend” or “play like” with my two grandsons, Wyatt and Jack, I could employ the same with Momma!

It looked like this… When she came tip-toeing around the corner with eyes wide and smiling, I smiled back and asked what she needed.

“Where is she?”

“Who?”

“That little girl?”

I could have immediately attempted to squelch the moment with facts. “There is no little girl in this house.” Here’s another confession: I had used facts before I used “role-playing.” Facts served no purpose but to frustrate Momma and myself.

“Oooooh,” I said, realizing she was chasing a hallucination through the room. “I haven’t seen her in here. Perhaps she went out to the back porch.”

With that, she pleasantly moved to a rocking chair on the back porch, smoked a cigarette and forgot about the little girl. EUREKA! Role-playing worked and I did not feel guilty about it!

We all pretended to be someone or something else when we were children. A cowboy. A doctor. A dinosaur. A ballerina. You haven’t forgotten; you simply haven’t used your imagination in a few years.

My hang-up came blasting from my childhood, telling me not to lie to my mother when the truth of it was she was slowly reverting to a child herself. I just needed to tap into being a child again. Once I did, there was more peace …and a little bit of joy!

Father, you see my friend struggling with the day-to-day scenarios that can be unpredictable. I pray wisdom over them. I pray that in the moment, they will be able to read the situation and adjust to what their loved one (LO) or patient needs. Even though the Bible tells us not to lie or “bear false witness,” You know we are caring for them. Thank You for the gift of childlike faith and childlike play. It can manufacture joy, which makes our role as caregiver lighter. In Your Son’s name, Amen.